Have you ever thought of motherhood as a profession? We’re raised to think of it as instinctual. Naturally, we protect and feed our kids. Yet to feel successful, balanced, and happy, we need learning and direction. “Making it up as we go” isn’t fun and or efficient. What job would be? We need tools, strategies, and best practices just like every other profession if we want to be successful. Make sense?
One of the hardest things about motherhood is defining what success looks likes to you. We are each so unique, with different circumstances, needs, and concerns. The sooner you know what it is that makes you feel happy and successful as a mom, the sooner you will stop comparing yourself to every other mom. Give yourself grace, be kind to yourself and to others. If you’d like help defining success for you – all you need is 15-minutes and the Balance MAP.
It’s spring cleaning time but fortunately there’s no need for a broom or Windex. Now is a great time to weed through all of the responsibilities that are getting in the way of enjoying your life, while raising your kids.
As moms, our most valuable resources are our time and energy. We have to cherish and protect it. Why? Because saying, “Yes” to someone or something means you have to say, “No” to someone or something else– there’s only so much time in a day. Balancing means learning when to say, “No” to insure that you have reserves for the relationships you value most; you, and your family.
We are all dancing as fast we can to meet the infinite needs of our families, stop for a minute to reflect on the following questions. “Do my actions make me feel happier and more successful? Who is losing in my dance to meet everyone’s needs?” If you are comfortable with your answers, your priorities are reflected in your actions and you are on the right track. If you don’t like your answers, change things! It will mean disappointing people, yet those who value you will applaud your decision to make a stand for your needs. Keep in mind, success and happiness for you and your family is your goal and striving to integrate and balance it all takes discipline each and every day.
Recently, a mom shared with me that her greatest challenge was taking care of herself. I suggested that she say, “No” to any extra request of her time and energy until she started to schedule time for herself– no exceptions. She was aghast! The truth is that each of you will have well-intentioned, wonderful people asking you for your help or your company– help to cook, bake, pick up, lead, ecetera, for the rest of your lives. Why? Because you are capable, clever and high achieving women. It is however, up to you to say, “Thank you, I am so flattered you thought of me, but I’ll have to pass.” Or try “Thanks for asking, I’ll take a rain check this time, but maybe next year.” Or how about, “Thank you so much for thinking of me, but I need to put a premium on my evenings with my family.” All you have to do is say “No”…nicely.
Like most things, practice make perfect, so choose a phrase or make up your own and use them! Print them out and memorize what works best for you so you will be ready for any request and respond respectfully and confidently. Having clear purpose and priorities will keep you focused and disciplined to achieve your goals. When you gracefully (this will come with practice) and confidently start declining requests, you send a powerful message that you value your time and energy and the people sitting around your dinner table get first dibs!
Fall is the perfect time to share my thoughts on the importance of traditions and creating an environment for your family that is joyful, happy, and full of love. The beauty of traditions is that they provide memories that capture wonderful moments over and over again. Your kids look forward to them and eagerly await the promise of another year of festive celebrations. Whether it’s your annual decorating of the front door with the pumpkins they’ve made over the years, or the hanging of the bats and black spiders on the dinner table light fixture; traditions create suspense and anticipation of fun to come.
I‘d love to share some of my traditions to inspire you to join in, as well as encourage you to keep up the traditions you’ve started. Some years, I’ve been so beat, I couldn’t imagine pulling my decorations out from the basement, yet after I did, the expressions on the kids’ faces are payment enough for digging deep and following through. You can do it!
I’ve already shared my pumpkin, bat, and spider traditions earlier, so here are a few more. Most years, I decorate the house to be Halloween ready for the kids when they wake up on October 1st. I love the excitement on their faces as they discover it all decked out for the season. This year however, it happened in stages. The point is that it happened. However you do it–just make it happen! Imagine how fun it is for your kids to wake to a house all festive and fun!
I love to bring out all of my Halloween bowls, platters and dish towels to make the month of October one huge celebration. I’ve picked many of them up over the years after the Holiday and on sale–Target is great for that! As the kids bring home their crafts and art projects, I hang them everywhere. The best way to hang them is to laminate them first. I go to a local home school store which laminates for 25 cents a foot; it’s such a steal! I then cut out the creations and put yellow sticky tack on the back and hang them everywhere: on windows, doors, cabinet—honestly wherever the stuff will stick. After the season, I pull them down and save the yellow tack and use it for the next season of creations.
To store the laminated works of art, I staple two poster boards together on three sides and leave the fourth open. I write the name of the season or holiday on both sides and store everything inside. I keep all of the poster board holiday files close at hand in a closet so it doesn’t feel like I’m moving heaven and earth to decorate throughout the year. Sometimes going into the basement to get decorations feels like one step too many. And there you have it, a festive house decorated with your children’s works of art and laminated to be keepsakes forever!
One last tradition I will share with you is to create a holiday book collection. As many of you know, or will learn, I love books. My kids have grown up surrounded by them. My earliest and fondest memories with my kids come from the warmth and comfort of the kids on my lap or snuggled up close to me enjoying a book. Reading creates that “cozy” that has always been so important for me to nurture as a Mom.
To inspire you to begin your collection or to keep adding to it, here are a few strategies to making it meaningful and memorable for years to come. First, I buy one book (not one for each child—in case you were wondering). I date it, write the town where we live, and then write a note sharing a snapshot of our family’s blessings and current successes and challenges. I always end with a line of gratitude for each other, our faith and our health. I then set it out on the counter after the kids go to bed so it is the first thing that they see when they enter the kitchen in the morning. That book is then passed around all morning long, and then it is added to the coffee table of Halloween books from past years. You can see my top five Halloween books by clicking HERE.
The Halloween books stay out all October long until we usher in November and the Thanksgiving books. After Halloween, I store the books out of sight in the basement until the next year. I love this tradition as much as the kids. And no matter the age, they all reread those books every year. I watched my senior in high school reading one yesterday while having a snack. Reading the books from when they were younger brings back those memories, good, sad, scary and wacky that we can relive each and every year. And that’s the beauty of creating a tradition.
As your kids return to school or are just starting, take a proactive approach and find some time to talk with them. Find out what they are thinking and feeling. What are they looking forward to? Who are they most excited to see again after the long summer break? Which teacher are they most excited about? Do they have any concerns or worries?
One of your greatest objectives as a parent is to help your child manage through both the highs and lows of life. In fact, some of the most valuable gifts you can give your child are the strategies, and tools to manage through some of life’s scarier and more challenging moments. Heading back to school provides a great learning opportunity riddled with excitement and joy, as well as unsettling anxieties and fears.
It won’t take long for your child’s excitement, disappointments, and anxieties to spill. Your greatest challenge happens next…listening. You need to let your kids be disappointed, afraid, and anxious. Those emotions are real, natural and healthy. Getting a “crummy” teacher is a “drag,” having no friends to sit with at lunch is “no fun”, and not having one of your friends in class does “stink!” So, instead of trying to talk your child “out” of their emotions, or fix the dilemma, why not just let them “be” and do nothing. Let them devise the “fix.” You just encourage and praise their attempts. Problem solving is a skill and takes practice. Creating solutions helps build determination, confidence and drive. Consider these statements to encourage solutions:
Reinforce that for every problem– there is a solution. Encourage your child to focus on solutions rather than problems. This process is powerful because it empowers and encourages confident kids. We often underestimate our kid’s capacity for critical thinking and reasoning, as well as their resiliency—don’t! Sure there are exceptions when your kids need you to step in, but let them be exceptions, not the rule.
- I’m certain you will come up with some great ideas to handle that one!
- Knowing you, you’ll figure out how to make that work!
- That would be a bummer, before you know it, you’ll have that one nailed!
- That would be tough, if anyone can handle that, it’s you!
- I’m confident you’ll figure that one out!
Remember, as mom, you need to “sell the fun” of the new school year. It is going to be great, especially if you approach it with confidence, optimism and excitement. You need to sell the dream of what the year can be—exciting, educational, fun, and most of all, what ever they make of it!
Knowing you Mom, you’ll be great!
Regardless if you are a working mom or a stay at home mom, summer usually means a breather from the regimented demands of the school year. Gone are the endless school projects, nightly homework, school voicemails and after school activities. Yet summer brings new responsibilities like swim lessons, baseball, all sorts of camps and now the stress of managing your family’s “free time.”
While the flexibility of summer is attractive and welcome, don’t lose the structure in your days. Kids feel more secure and are more successful when they know what is expected of them and when things happen. Whether it is school or camp, you will always find a daily schedule—you should have one too. The key is to balance structured and free time. I like to start and end our day with routines leaving the middle for fun and adventure.
Morning starts with the checklist, but tailored for summer. Many of you have used the inspiring Moms school year morning and afternoon checklists and love them. They work so well because they provide your kids with a simple step-by-step guide to mastering the tasks necessary for morning and afternoon success. A checklist frees you, from being the bad guy. “Mom can I go outside and play?” Your response is simple, “That sounds fun, keep making progress on your checklist– you’ll be done soon, I bet.” By establishing daily expectations, your kids can manage summer days much easier. Our rule is as soon as the checklist is complete; the kids are free agents for summer fun. Your kids will learn that in order to play hard they have to work hard, yet as a routine, work comes first. Sure there are exceptions, but when they become the rule, you’ve lost your structure and the security that goes along with it. Download Summer Morning and Evening Checklists.
Once responsibilities are done, it’s time to have friends over, go swimming or take a field trip to the library, museum or park. Let your kids chose the activities each day, but save Friday as your choice. That’s your day to take them somewhere you enjoy.
Family dinner is a great way to start back with routines at the end of the day. If schedules during the school year make family dinners a challenge, make it happen in the summer. Studies have found the following results associated with family dinners:
· Meals will be healthier and more balanced
· Kids build larger vocabularies
· Kids engage in fewer risky behaviors (smoking, drinking, drugs)
· Teens who rarely eat with their families are three-and-a-half times more likely to have abused prescription drugs or an illegal drug other than marijuana
· Girls who have five or more meals a week with their families are one-third less likely to develop unhealthy eating habits (ranging from skipping meals to full-fledged anorexia or abusing diet pills.)
After dinner there is usually enough time for a last swim, family walk, bike ride or just plain playing in the yard and then you want to go back to your bedtime routine. Kids will go to bed later because of the light, but it is still important to have a bedtime.
Summer is a great break from the pressures of the school year, but brings different challenges. Schedules and routines are a great way to keep some structure while basking in the freedom of fewer obligations. Make it a great summer!
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